catching up

Finally, I'm catching up with some of my favorite pictures from the past few weeks.
A Christmas recap -

• visits with friends
• church, and {p}'s choir performance
• waiting for Santa
• opening presents
• celebrating with family
• a PUPPY surprise!

how hard can it be?

SERIOUSLY.

How hard can it be to get one good Christmas card picture of two children? I have friends who have lots more children than I. They manage to do it. I have a feeling if these children weren't my own, I'd have better luck.









Starting to see a pattern here?




I guess he can only take so many kisses in one photo shoot.

getting ready for Christmas

Over 2000 years ago, some people were getting ready for what would be the first Christmas. Mary was riding on a donkey, Joseph was looking for a place to stay. Could they have known what our preparations would involve this many years later? Shopping, decorating, cooking, planning, going, doing.

There are some who would argue that we forget what Christmas means, that we get so caught up in the doing of Christmas that we forget the meaning of Christmas. They have a valid point, and I am sure there are millions of people out there for whom this is an accurate assessment. We are some of those people who shop, decorate, cook, plan, go and do. But we make sure that we remember why.

Emmanuel means God with us. Isn't that what that first Christmas was all about? Emmanuel.... through the birth of Jesus, God is with us. In all that we do, wherever we are, God is with us. Emmanuel. In all of the hustle and bustle and chaos of the Christmas season, He is with us. It's important for us to make sure that our boys understand this. To know that all of the decorating and celebrating and present giving and getting, we are doing it because of Jesus.

blog surfing tonight

and I found a pretty neat giveaway. Go ahead and visit!

thoughts

It's hard to believe that almost a month has passed since I blogged. There are so many pictures on my camera waiting to be uploaded. There are stories to go with them, and I don't want to share the stories without the pictures.

I was thinking about what I could write without having to deal with the pictures tonight, but I couldn't think of anything. My thoughts are with some friends who are going through rough times... my friend (A) who lost a friend to breast cancer today, my friend (W) whose grandmother turned 87 today and is in the hospital suffering terribly with MRSA, along with other complications. Friends of friends whose Carepages I read, who have children battling neuroblastoma. Friends who are still trying to figure out how to live after losing their baby. It just seems hard sometimes to see our blessings when we are surrounded by those who are suffering, grieving. On the other hand, it is easy to take for granted those things that we do have to be grateful for.

I guess if I could include any sort of message in this blog it would be to read this blog from my friend (C). She shares a beautiful message, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

fall

My favorite season. I love the weather, the colors, the smells, the thought of the upcoming holidays... just everything about it!

I also love experiencing fall through the lens of my camera. Through my camera, I see things differently. I see shapes, I see light. I can see the whole, and then I can see bits and pieces. Suddenly, something that might go unnoticed becomes the only thing that I can see.

And, for a long time afterwards, that feeling stays with me. The ordinary is beautiful. I have taken the time to stop, to think, to be completely absorbed in what I see.

good to the last drop

an early Christmas

I'm the proud owner of a new camera. A Nikon D40. {K} surprised me with it on Friday. Never in a million years did I expect it. It's going to take me a while to figure it all out, but in the meantime, I'm having a lot of fun playing with it.

THANK YOU, {K}!
I LOVE YOU!

not quite Wordless Wednesday

I was going to make this a Wordless Wednesday post, but I thought I'd sneak a few words in. The blog has been quiet lately because I just needed some time to think... time to sort out a lot of thoughts and feelings about our friends who are missing their baby. Someday, I will write more. I need to write more, but I want to be able to treasure my thoughts privately for a little while longer. I've had a lot of visits to the blog lately, and I thank all of you who have been praying.

In the meantime, here's a picture of the boys. Make that one cowboy and one horse. Yee-haw!

held

The first time I ever heard this song - held - by Natalie Grant, it touched something inside of me. Knowing that God doesn't promise that unthinkable things won't happen, but He will hold us when they do. My cousin Bruce posted this video on his blog awhile back, and I commented to him that it was one of my favorites. I had no idea then how much this song would come to mean to me. God has a way of preparing our hearts long before we are aware. He knows what we need before we do, without our asking. He guides our paths in what might seem to be everyday occurances, but if we look back, we can see His hand. A week ago, we went to the hospital when baby Burris was born. It isn't my habit to be at the hospital when a friend has a baby. I'm more inclined to give privacy. But, we were needed to take luggage to our friends. In that one simple act, God gave me the opportunity to be touched by a very special baby. He gave me the opportunity to meet this baby and have him become very real to me so that I can be a better comforter to my friend. Instead of the grandparents leaving the hospital to get the luggage, by using us for the errand He gave them the gift of valuable time with their new grandson. God used us to be a blessing, and that is a very humbling, awesome thought. Awesome isn't a normal word in my vobulary, but when you see something in your life that was completely directed by God, then awesome is the only word that might even begin to describe it. It helps to know that even in a tragedy, God's hand is there offering blessings. Blessing us, and holding us.

Two months is too little.

They let him go.

They had no sudden healing.

To think that providence would

Take a child from his mother while she prays

Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?

What has changed and why should we be saved

from nightmares?

We're asking why this happens

To us who have died to live? It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.

We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow.

The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley

and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we'd be held.

If hope is born of suffering.

If this is only the beginning.

Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we'd be held.

prayers, please

Some good friends of ours lost their infant son today. He was barely over one week old. He was the newest baby, other than my own two, that I have ever held. I don't know why I keep thinking about that right now, but I do. I held that tiny, new, perfect baby when he was only a couple hours old. And now he's gone. May God give them strength and comfort.

"nuthin" starts with N

Yes, I am aware that {p} didn't quite follow the directions. Yes, {p}'s teacher has a sense of humor, and yes, she will likely enjoy this response to the homework. Thank goodness for teachers who can appreciate creativity!

so THIS is who I really am...

Some of the descriptions:

"ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this."

"Rated by psychologists among 2 types least likely to have trouble in school. "
This must be true... the only time I got in trouble in school was in Kindergarten, when my best friend and I put our rest mats on top of our heads so the teachers couldn't see us talking. It didn't work.

"Success for an ENFJ comes through involvement in the process of making things happen for people; through the accomplishments and satisfactions of those they have helped to enrich the human world with greater value, and through finding that their efforts on behalf of others have fulfilled their own life as well."

THANKS, {E}! That was fun!

luna moth caterpillar

I've written a couple of times about {p}'s interest in bugs... most living things, actually. Right now in school, they are learning all about animals, their habits and habitats, and life cycles.

It couldn't have been better timing for his Grandaddy Pat to find this.



This is a photo of our newest pet - a luna moth caterpillar. Right now, he is safely tucked away in the bug habitat. He has been gorging himself on leaves, and has evidence from his little digestive system to prove just how much he is eating. This is a HUGE caterpillar... the biggest I've ever seen. I went to {p}'s class and all of his friends got to take an up-close look. The new home for the caterpillar will be in the classroom. We're crossing our fingers that we see a cocoon, and one day, a LUNA MOTH!

adventures from the weekend

We took the boys to an old mill... a popular place for local photographers to go when they do a location shoot. I wasn't overly excited about any pictures in particular that I took, but it was a fun day anyway. {p} got to fish, which always makes him happy. And {s} got to throw rocks and dirt, which always makes him happy as well.

(just for you, Dr. W!)

the sitting rock, part 2

Back with the black and whites. I wasn't happy with many of them, but there were some that I liked. I can't remember the last time I used a film camera. And, I think it was the first time I've ever used a 35 mm, as opposed to a point and shoot film camera. The focus took a little getting used to, and a handful of the pics were a little blurry. The last one here was my very favorite. We heard an owl hooting in the distance, and {p} quickly turned and made "hand binoculars" to look for it. If I had more time to compose that shot, I would've gotten his feet in there. Oh well.. I like it anyway!

the sitting rock

There's a rock in the woods in our backyard. We call it the sitting rock. It's a favorite place for {K} to take the boys to sit and eat popsicles in the summer. As I found out today, it's a pretty good spot for pictures, too.

I took these of {s} with my camera. Right as I was about to start on some of {p}, the batteries went dead. I ended up taking some of {p} with an old Minolta 35mm, on an old roll of black and white film. We'll get them developed shortly. Hope they turn out!

Here are some of {s}. I love them!

anything for a laugh

{s} is such a character. He will do anything if he thinks you're going to laugh at him. And if you laughed at him once, weeks later you'll catch him doing the same thing hoping for another laugh.

It's interesting to see how each child shapes you into the parent that you are. {p} can be very funny and silly too, but he's also a very serious, deep thinker.

{s} is all about having fun, like trying to slide down a Little People ramp because the slide at the park was too wet. Turns out, it wasn't as fun once he got stuck.



He's not even 2, and he has already figured out how to make toot noises and fake burps.

Where did this child come from??? I think God gave us {s} to teach us to relax a little... to lighten up.

Because it is hard to be serious when your child's fingers are knuckle deep in his nostrils.

perspective and prayers

It's all about perspective.

I had a rough day with the boys. Lots of screaming, yelling, crying, fussing and fighting. They are sleeping now, and the house is finally quiet. I checked my email and had an update on a little boy named Patrick Chance. I personally do not know this Patrick. I have never had the opportunity to meet him, nor his family. He is the child of a friend of a friend. For over a year now, he has been fighting a type of cancer called neuroblastoma. I've been following along with updates on his CarePage... reading about ups and downs of his treatment and recovery. Life is no longer normal for the Chance family. Frequent trips to New York for treatment, days filled with medicine and needles. Day filled, I'm sure, with a mixture of fear and faith. Today's update from Patrick's dad reads:

Yesterday was shorter and better than Monday. Today was much worse. He received a third rescue of Dilaudid that caused predictable irritability, itching, and inability to sleep. He is finally asleep after hours of playing through the wean from narcotics with the attendant misplaced anger - with me as the target. I finally got a break of sorts when he agreed to go to the pub for steak. So we sat in a booth while I rubbed his feet (neuropathic pain from antibody) and fed us both. I managed an occasional pull from my pint. It wasn't the most sterile meal we have ever had, but it was OK. Tomorrow I won't have Alev's help during the morning and his treatment. Given the rough day and belated crash, I plan to let Patrick sleep in until time to return to Sloan. I hopefully can do some laundry and maybe return a few business calls in the morning. The city is cool and refreshing in ways but a stark reminder of cancer in others. Crabbing at the beach seems remote and idyllic. I will think of those days often during days like today. They will come back. SRC

No matter how bad I think my day was, it doesn't compare to the kind of days that the Chance family has to live through. My day - a day filled with healthy, grumpy children - would be an answered prayer for them. A good day.

Despite all this family has been through, they continue to praise God. I admire their strength. And I pray for their son.

I've been trying to find a way to end this blog... a way to tie this all up in a neat package. But I can't. All I can think about is how thankful I am that my children are healthy. I can only pray that one day the Chances are going to be able to say the same thing.

saving for a rainy day

Or, saving for a hungry day. Apparently {s} is concerned that there might be a pb & j shortage, or worried that I might forget to feed him sometime in the near future.

I found his little hiding place in the space between his booster seat and the chair. Seems that he hasn't been eating all of his lunch, after all. Little squirrel!

a popsicle sort of day

God hears

In about three months, we'll be celebrating the second birthday of {s}.

First, shock over a barely visible pink line.

Six more tests later, beginning to believe it.

An ultrasound that was so early, the tech could only point out the thickened lining of my uterus.

Another ultrasound that showed a yolk sac.

And finally an ultrasound that showed the tiniest, tiniest speck of a baby.

The medicine (Prometrium) that was mistakenly called in for me when I didn't need it.

A scary reaction, trip to the ER, and a CT scan on my head.

Bleeding.

Prayers that God would let me keep this little baby that was so unexpected, but so, so wanted.

A new obstetrician.

A c-section.

An epidural that left a "hot spot" so that I could feel part of the surgery.

One and a half gallons of amniotic fluid.

Nine pounds, 0.1 ounces of baby,

and a doctor saying, "It's a boy!"

My baby {s}. Even his name reminds me...

God hears.

faith

Although {p} had a great first day of school, the rest of the week was more than a little rough. He cried at night before going to bed, and he cried in the mornings before going into the classroom. Kindergarten is a big adjustment. Getting dressed when it is still dark outside, being away from home for six hours, coming home, eating supper, getting a bath, and going to bed just to wake up and do it all again. I could tell that he had fun at school. It was just the anticipation of the long day, and the fear of the unknown that caused him to cry. That, coupled with the stress of change, made for one tired, overwhelmed little boy.
The hardest part for me was that {p} would say,
over and over, "I can't. I just can't."
It was hard for two reasons...

He had never expressed such a defeated statement before.

and

I knew he could.

So, I did what many other parents have done before me, and will continue to do after me. I pushed. I pushed him away from me, away from his safe home, and toward the unknown of school. Figuratively and literally. I pushed him down the hall. I pushed him into the classroom. I pried his arms away from my neck, turned him around, and pushed him away.

All because I knew he could.
And today he did.

No tears, no shaky voice. Confidence. He might not have been too sure of himself, but he was sure of my faith in him.
Months ago I tore an article by Katrina Kenison out of a Family Circle magazine. She was writing about teaching her son to drive. I knew that at some point her words would ring true with me. Sooner, as it turned out, rather than later.

"...I'm finally learning to accept that fear doesn't keep a child safe, any more than faith assures immunity from harm. It's no longer my job to protect my son from the world but rather to let him know that I believe he can handle it - and that I trust him enough to let him try."

Well said, and so very true. And that is why I pushed.

the big day before the big day

I'm sitting here at the kitchen table with {p}, sharing some warm cookies and a glass of milk. He wanted to work in a little workbook, and he just asked me to spell "dolphin" for him. He didn't believe me when I got to the "ph" part. He said it was "f." Then, for my benefit, he sounded out the word very slowly -- "d ahhhh l fffffffffff i nnnn." I guess he thought I needed a review. He always thinks he is right. Usually, he is. But he finally gave in with this one and wrote the right letters.

I have no doubts that he is ready for tomorrow. My {p} loves to learn. Just barely 5, he knows more about the names and habitats of sea creatures than I do. His vocabulary is years ahead of where it should be. He's adding and subtracting, and even reading a bit. The sky is the limit for him. He can do, and be, anything that he wants.

No, I'm not ready, but I know he is. And that's enough to get me through tomorrow.

one week from tonight

One week from tonight will be the night before my little {p}'s first day of school. He is going to be in Kindergarten... the start of something big.
So many thoughts are going through my head and my heart right now. I have enough faith in him to know that he will be okay. He is unbelievably smart. He is curious. He loves to learn. He is polite and compassionate.
The hardest thing, I think, is that I know all of these things about him. I am sending him to a place where he is not known. He is going to be one of many on that very first day of school. But {p} is not one of many. He is mine. And he is special.

One week from tonight, I will
not be sleeping.
One week from tonight, I will
be making sure that his clothes are just right.
One week from tonight, I will
be checking that backpack to make sure everything is in there.
One week from tonight, I will
be making a special lunch.
One week from tonight, I will
check all of the clocks so that we won't be late on Monday.
One week from tonight, I will
probably think of a million reasons why I should homeschool.
One week from tonight,
I will be praying...

that {p} doesn't cry
that {p} doesn't see me cry
that {p} will actually want to go back on the second day
that the hours on Monday speed by
and that God shows me how to start letting go,
because this is only
the beginning.

fish fever

{p} loves to fish. It seems that he inherited that from his daddy. But I think he inherited his fishing skills from me. I'm sure those of you who know about my ten pound bass will agree with that statement.

Here's his catch from today. He caught ALL of these, and his grandaddy didn't catch any!


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mastering the technique

of blowing bubbles:

gotta love the hat that keeps covering up {s}'s face!